The pause
I’m in the pause with few words to say, but I feel like I want to say something, so here I am.
In my world, the pause is when the kerfluffle has subsided and you can choose where your busy is gonna go.
I’ve had to stare down the pause between phases a lot this past year. In the past, it’s where I usually fall back into old patterns and find comfort; I don’t know which discomfort to choose or I don’t know the discomfort is actually worth it, so I might as well lean back into something known.
What I am experiencing now, though, is I have obliterated my comfort; there is no old pattern I can truly fall back on anymore. I don’t have a home, I don’t have my “things”, I don’t have my career, and I don’t have the same access to my vices; I simply don’t have my stability in almost all the ways. That has made the pause so different in such a beautiful way; it’s allowed me, less than willingly, to see the magic that can occur if I let it.
I manifested this sweatshirt :)
Last month my pause was with markets; I didn’t have that many selling opportunities, but I put my time and effort into making, connecting, exploring and dreaming. This month I am abundant in selling opportunities and I keep reflecting on how I have what I asked for.
I keep reflecting that I can have what I dream about; you can have what you dream about!
It’s all about truly knowing what is wanted though, right? And more than that, what is needed. And more than that, simply granting the time to consider it. The number of times I think I know what I want just to find out it’s not in fact what I want, cannot be overestimated, BUT I think that’s really the only way to know whatcha want. It’s never wrong to readjust what you want, that’s just living.
It’s consistently mind blowing to me, how powerful our minds can be. It’s absolutely overwhelming to consider that everything you can dream up can be real if you truly believe in it.
I have started viewing this endeavor as an experiment to see how crazy shit can get just by believing.
I am in the position I am in right now solely on belief in what can happen. And honestly, most of that comes from innocence, ignorance, and naïveté, and then a whole lotta heart on top.
When we’re starting something, or at least when I am, we don’t know enough to know what to doubt or what worries to have. We might doubt and have worries, but we can’t be specific with an experience to imagine what might go “wrong,” so we can’t really manifest it, and really it’s the same with what might go “right.” Our experiences from there are often dictated by our perception of how “right” or “wrong” our experiences were and if that lifts us or drains us. The lifting and the draining depends on what we judge our experiences to be.
I’m fighting the learning of fear right now and am trying really hard to not judge my experiences; the thing that is keeping me afloat is the reminder that when there is a pause, it is time to dream. When there is time for your thoughts to run amuck, at least let them run someplace amazing! What could it possibly hurt, to consider amazing things for yourself.
Dream up the wildest shit for that redirect. I’m dreaming right now while positioning myself for the next wave.
I believe all we can do is the next best thing with our pretty little faces turned towards where we wanna go. The rest is way bigger than us.