2023

Ya know, it’s really hard not to make grandiose hopes for the new year. The more I try to tame my wildest dreams, the more they appear.

If I learned anything in 2022, the only way for the exceptional to start to catch you is for it to be invited into the races.

I talked about dreaming a LOT at the market in December; more than the average person was wanting to hear? Maybe. I said to one girl, “what harm could it do, dreaming up the best?” She quietly replied under her breath as she walked away laughing, “I could be disappointed…”

Disappointment. Girl, ain’t that the truth!?

Is that when we stopped dreaming? When we learned disappointment? Is that when we stopped listening to our wild and crazy insides? When we started working our asses off to avoid disappointment?

Disappointment sure got powerful.

Google defines disappointment as “sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.” It then gives the hilarious example of "to her disappointment, there was no chance to talk privately with Luke.”

(of all the examples, of all the disappointments in the world, of course the one used is about a girl wanting a guy… but that’s not the point here)

I find it so interesting how worthy we must think we are in order to be disappointed, and how our disappointment subsequently negates our worthiness; go with me here…

In order to be disappointed to not get to talk to Luke, this example gal must have believed she was worth getting to talk to Luke, good onya sister! We don’t know why she didn’t get a chance to talk to him privately, it’s a very vague example, but it sounds like the universe stepped into this private conversation and made a redirect. Maybe they got to talk another time and maybe they didn’t, all that really matters is if this anticipated conversation had the power to shift something in this worthy human’s brain to stop dreaming about what she wants and ultimately to stop knowing she’s worthy; what power that vague moment had!

It doesn’t hurt to say again, disappointment contains, at the root of it, a knowing that we are worth what we want; we can’t be disappointed if we didn’t think we ought to receive that which we wanted, eh? It tracks then, if we stopped dreaming up the best due to fear of disappointment, we let disappointment teach us we’re no longer worthy of what we want. I’m certainly guilty of this, but how dramatic of us! Talk about throwing the baby out with the bath water! We throw out having to face our worthiness in the clenches of forces outside our control, and start playing smaller, stop dreaming bigger, and ultimately find tepid safety in the taming of our wants.

If you’re feeling disappointment, that’s actually an awesome thing, you still know you deserve the things! (and you do!) If you’re avoiding disappointment like hell and hunkering down in the known, I totes get it, but know this, you can turn that car around at anytime, you’re the driver and are literally the only one on your road.

This life is yours, and it’s mine, no one can take that from us. I’m learning that when what you want has less to do with outside forces and more to do with your own hopes and dreams, the disappointment is weirdly transformed; there’s just not much that can get taken from you when you’ve got you. I’ve got more thoughts on that later, but Simon Sinek says,

When you have a big enough “why,” the “how’s” work themselves out.

The why is you; it’s all that inner chatter that won’t shut up about the things you love, it’s that gut moment that you question and wonder and dream about where you want to go, it’s that inner voice that starts making a ruckus and moves you in new directions and you’re like “WHAT ARE YOU DOING??” I’m learning if you can hang onto the “why,” the “how’s” really do work themselves out, BUT the key is, you can’t get stuck on what the “how” looks like. Disappointment comes from thinking you know what the outcome is supposed to look like, thinking you know “how” it’s gonna go, and ya just don’t. When I found gratitude for the relieved responsibility of not knowing, surrender became a new method of freedom, a wide, albeit sometimes frightening, open door to possibilities.

I was DEEPLY humbled last year; I can honestly say I have NO idea how this is gonna go. Literally not one step has gone as expected, but letting go of expectations has allowed for not only the morphing of disappointments, but a quicker flow into new exciting directions.

At the end of the day, you’re literally all that matters, I’ll hold to that for all time. You can’t offer you to anyone if you don’t have you and you can’t fully have you if you don’t think you’re worthy of your dreams! There’s magic in dreaming, but they can’t appear if we don’t let them have a seat at the table.

So, to sum up, disappointment shmisappointment, you’re worthy all the time :)